Still....

How can I still be bleeding... come on already.... This freakin sucks!!!!!!

I can honestly say I hate being a girl sometimes... think about all the money I spend on tampons! OMG....

CD12

and I'm still bleeding?!?!?!?! What kind of sick joke is this.... OMG sometimes I honestly hate my body!!! And now Chris is starting to get impatient with it and wants to FD... but... I dunno I feel uncomfortable when it's bloody... I mean when spotting it's okay. It seems to get it done faster anyway which is always a plus!

Burnt Out!!!

I'm starting to really really really hate my job! With all the BS I deal with in a day and the 10+ hours I have been working lately... I'm starting to feel myself just lag more as the days go on and with more and more work getting put on me. I'm freaking 22 years old and I feel like I'm 30. I can't imagine living like this for the rest of my life. I find myself more moody and depressed because I feel so stressed about money and wanting a child and LIFE that I can't just relax or take a day trip somewhere or whatever.

And as of January 1st my job isn't paying sick pay anymore. So, literally, I have no days off until Memorial Day in May and then July 4th and then I will be eligible to take 2 weeks worth of vacation. I don't see my mind and body lasting that long. Although in my work place I find that time goes by SUPER fast. Seriously, it feels like just yesterday was June. The problem is is that I'm just exhausted and need time to just let my body unwind. But again I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Then my hunny, Chris, and I had a talk the other day about "maybe this isn't the right time to have a baby". I didn't want any part of this actually... it was more his decision. At no point in time in my life will I ever NOT want to have a baby. Nothing will make me feel complete until I have a child. Absolutely nothing. This is not something that I "want"... it's something I need as a human being and a woman. Chris feels his job is unstable, as mine is because we both work in the car "industry". Although I was talking to my boss today and apparently we made an $80,000 profit this past month when usually we are in the red at closing (I mean like losing $60,000)! So that's good, you know, but the economy is still in the red and we won't feel good about our jobs until the economy takes a turn around. So that being said, it is going to be very difficult until we will feel stable again.

Anyways, I can't write anymore because I'm getting too upset and I don't want Chris to know I was crying because it is just going to be an argument about trying to conceive.